The Secrets We Share
by Leafshadow2
Summary: Though they confide everything to each other, there are some secrets that they can't even admit to themselves. Falling in love was easy. It was gradual and happened somewhere along the way. Accepting that and figuring out how to maintain a relationship between the demands and dangers of being shinobi? Not so much.
1. Some Nights

AN: Well, I had the first chapter of the companion piece for As Luck Would Have It and this mostly written a while ago, but I had some computer issues and lost all my files. When it came to rewriting everything, this wanted to be written first. I do not own the characters. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to let me know what you think.

* * *

"Call it."

Sakura's voice came out woodenly, but she didn't have the energy to care.

"Time of death…"

The voice of the other medic grew imperceptible as Sakura left the operating room, shedding her surgical gown and tossing her gloves into a red hazardous waste bin. She washed her hands mechanically at the metal sink beside the door, lathering and rising repeatedly. It didn't make the phantom sensation of blood covering her fingers and palms go away, even though nothing had gotten past the barrier of the gloves earlier.

Turning, the medic made her way down the overly-bright, white hallway, her left shoe squeaking with every step. She maintained an unhurried pace and a calm, professional mask as she descended the stairs to the basement level of the hospital. Then, _finally_ , she reached her destination.

Closet 148B.

The name placard for it had long since faded, so the worn numbers now more closely resembled that of 43B. The one place in the entire hospital with a locking door that only she seemed to remember existed. Even the custodial staff seemed to avoid it. The medic knew that she was the only one to ever utilize the tiny, cramped room, aside from the lone spider that had taken up residence in one corner of the ceiling. The fact that there was no interior lighting didn't bother her as she locked herself in, sitting in the dark amongst the cleaning supplies that were likely older than her.

And, as her cheek came to rest upon her knees, and her arms went around her legs, Sakura allowed her carefully affixed emotionless mask to crumble. As the tears finally fell, turning into violent sobs that she knew would go unheard this deep in the hospital, she blindly reached for something— _anything_ —to hold onto.

Every time she lost a patient, it hurt. But _this_ …

He had just been a child.

He had only been a genin. A bright-eyed, eager young shinobi that had dreams of doing great things. That hadn't yet learned that there was no such thing as glory on the battlefield. A whole life before him. A tentative crush on one of his fellow teammates, something that might have become something more, but now would never have the opportunity to grow or be explored.

The twelve-year-old had been caught in the line of fire during a mission gone wrong. Instead of all that he had been in life, all she could see was his blood covering her gloves in the operating room. Soon he would be a name etched in stone. She had tried, done everything in her power, but it had been too little, too late. The second that the barrage of kunai had pierced his intestines, he had never stood a chance. The basic medical ninjutsu that his mentor knew would have never been enough to prevent the sepsis from spreading.

Still, Sakura couldn't help but wish that she could have done more. She had just finished a long shift at the hospital and had been about to leave when the team had been rushed through the doors. Every available medic still at the hospital had responded, including herself. But it hadn't made a difference. She couldn't help but wish that the unfounded belief—that once an injured shinobi was brought through the doors of Konoha's hospital, they would be alright—was more than just that. But that wasn't reality.

The wooden handle of a mop shattered in her tight grip.

* * *

Mechanically, she made her way to her apartment, barely noticing the cold rain that fell. Sakura eventually found herself at her door, hands trembling as they struggled to unlock it. After more attempts than she cared to recall, the silver key finally entered and turned in the lock, letting the door swing open. A dark living room greeted her as soon as she entered, but she didn't bother to turn on any lights before shoving the door shut behind her.

Fingers stiff with cold fumbled with the closures of her jacket before she managed to undo the buttons. The coat, heavy with water, fell to the floor without care. She tripped over her similarly discarded shoes before sinking down heavily onto the couch, staring blankly at the walls.

Time lost all meaning.

She didn't know how long she sat there—minutes, hours, it all blurred together—never noticing the slight creak of her window as it opened. It wasn't until he sat down to the right of her, his weight on the cushion displacing her slightly, that she realized he was there.

It wasn't a surprise. News of what occurred at the hospital travelled quickly, and though uncommon, this certainly wasn't his first visit under these circumstances.

When his arm wrapped around her shoulders, she couldn't help but rest her head heavily on his shoulder, no longer having the strength to sit upright on her own.

"I'm alright."

Her words came out tentatively, whispered almost too faintly to hear.

"No, you're not," he murmured softly against the top of her head, masked lips brushing against the damp strands of her hair. "And that's okay."

His gentle tone was her undoing.

Tears she thought had long since run dry silently slid down her cheek.

* * *

He knew that nothing he said would make it better, so Kakashi didn't say anything. He simply sat beside her, not caring that her tears mingled with rainwater to soak the fabric of his shirt. When she eventually fell into an exhausted sleep, he carefully carried Sakura to her bed. After gently resting her head on a pillow, he pulled the covers over her and headed over to the window. He paused as his fingers met the cool glass, shooting one last concerned glance at her resting form before silently exiting the apartment the same way he had come in.


	2. Silver Linings

"Sakura."

Her brow furrowed as she read a report about multiple attacks on small towns near the former Hidden Sound village. Grabbing a pen, Sakura made a note in the margins of the page to see if there was any intel on the current and past affiliations of the missing nin responsible.

" _Sakura_."

Finally hearing the exasperated voice calling her name, she nearly gave herself whiplash by jerking her head in the direction of the speaker. "Sorry, Shishou. Did you need anything?" the kunoichi asked sheepishly.

The blonde hokage swirled a bottle of sake. "I need you to leave so I can indulge guilt-free," Tsunade replied dryly.

Sakura nearly snorted. "That's never stopped you before."

"It's late _, go home_." Surprised, Sakura glanced out the window, just now noticing that the sun had long since set. "The last thing I need is for that hyperactive brat you call a teammate barging in here and accusing me of drowning you in paperwork," the blonde continued, pouring a dish of sake.

"I know, I know," Sakura huffed, setting aside documents and gathering her things. "You keep telling me that I'm young and should be enjoying myself."

"I surprise myself sometimes with the occasional bit of good advice. You should follow it."

Her mentor's words were emphasized by the finger pointed in Sakura's direction. The pink-haired medic forced a smile as she walked to the door. "Have a good night, Shishou," she called before leaving.

She took a deep breath as soon as she left the Hokage tower, releasing it slowly as she stared out at the darkened streets. Walking towards the direction of her apartment, Sakura's feet stopped when she came to an intersection. Though she'd love nothing more than to go home, she knew that she should make an effort to stop isolating herself. It wasn't healthy to keep burying herself in work. Decision made, the kunoichi headed in the opposite direction of her home.

The second she walked through the doors of the Rusty Kunai—a dive bar frequented by shinobi—indistinct noise washed over her. Without bothering to look for anyone she knew, she made a beeline for the scarred counter of the bar. It wasn't until she claimed an unoccupied seat that Sakura realized just how tired she was.

The sound of ceramic clinking against wood drew her attention. "You look like you could use this," the bartender told her, releasing their hold on a cup of sake.

"Thanks."

Taking a sip, she saw the irony in the parallels between her and Tsunade's evening plans, yet she couldn't bring herself to care.

It had been a shitty week.

First, her patient had—

She took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind. She had done all that she could, and she couldn't change the past. A sappy love song started playing on the dusty old radio sitting in the corner. Sakura sighed heavily before taking another sip of her drink, wishing that any other song had come on.

The civilian nurse she had been dating for the past month had ended things earlier that week. Apparently, he couldn't come to terms with the immense time commitment that her career demanded. Between the long hours running the hospital while still seeing patients and getting called out on the occasional mission with little to no warning, it had been too much. Relationships didn't always work out, and she had accepted that, but still...

It would have been nice to actually have had a date to Shikamaru and Temari's upcoming wedding.

Glancing around the crowded room, she spotted Naruto with his arm around a blushing Hinata. The two had started dating recently, and she couldn't be happier for her friends. Still, as she responded more sedately in kind to her teammate's enthusiastic wave and the byakugan user's kind smile, Sakura couldn't help but wish that she shared some of their luck in the romance department.

Just as she was turning back to face the counter, she caught sight of Kotetsu and Izumo stealing a kiss when they thought no one was looking. Their hands were tangled together, displaying the matching gold bands they wore. Sakura smiled at their obvious affection but couldn't help wondering if she was cut out for a serious relationship, at least currently.

" _I feel like I constantly have to compete with your job for your attention."_

The reminder of her ex's words was unwelcome. Sakura had worked hard to get to where she was today, and she refused to apologize for that. Another chorus of "always" and "forever" blared forth from the radio, and she seriously considered throwing a kunai at the device. It had already seen more than its fair share of abuse from rowdy patrons, after all.

The medic downed the rest of her drink in one go before signaling for another round. The stress of the past week seemed to weigh on her shoulders as she sat on that barstool, fingers curled around her cup. Though she had picked up extra hospital shifts and worked longer hours at the Hokage tower, Sakura knew it wasn't a healthy way to cope with losing the genin on her operating table. She had to accept what had happened in order to move on.

 _Easier said than done._

She stared blankly at the bead of condensation that slowly fell along the side of her cup. The din of the room faded to indistinct background noise as her focus turned inward, to the memorial service she had attended earlier in the day.

The tightly clasped hands of the boy's parents, their joined fingers as white as the flowers placed on a coffin that was far too small.

Choked sobs from the genin's remaining teammates as their sensei wrapped his arms around them tightly, tears falling from his own reddened eyes.

The way her teeth had sunk into her lip viciously, nearly drawing blood, as a heavy voice intoned gratitude for the young genin's service, while lamenting that a life had been cut so short.

The overwhelming, suffocating sense of guilt that clawed at her as his parents quietly thanked her for trying to save their child.

"You did everything you could."

The words broke her reverie, and she glanced to her side, seeing Kakashi's profile as he stared ahead under the guise of ordering a drink.

* * *

Even from where he was seated in the far corner of the bar, he could see the lost look Sakura had as she stared unseeingly at her drink. Losing such a young patient had hit her particularly hard, and Kakashi was no stranger to being weighed down by self-recrimination. He got up from the table, not bothering to excuse himself since Genma and Gai were too distracted with some silly debate to notice. Along the way, he directed a closed-eye smile and a two-finger wave at Naruto as he passed by the jinchuriki. After navigating his way past the crowd, he slid onto the empty bar stool beside the pink-haired medic.

She didn't notice until he spoke.

"You did everything you could," he told her.

Sakura glanced up at him before swirling her drink distractedly. "I know, but…"

Her words trailed off, knowing that he was more than familiar with self-blame. Further explanations weren't needed, and both of them knew that.

He traced his finger along one of the numerous grooves on the wooden bar, ordering a beer when the bartender came up to him. "The only thing you can do now is try to prevent the same thing from happening in the future," he told the medic. "But," he said, sending her a knowing look, "that doesn't mean you should work yourself to death."

A smile curled her lips, not quite reaching her eyes.

"You know me too well." He arched an eyebrow, prompting her to reach over and squeeze his hand briefly, before Sakura continued, "I promise to not over work myself."

"Good."

She released his hand as she stood, saying that she should join Naruto and Hinata. Kakashi watched her leave until the clink of glass on wood distracted him, heralding the arrival of his drink. He turned to face the rest of the room again as he took a sip of beer through his mask.

He couldn't help but observe Sakura as she smiled brightly, cheerful laughter carrying around the room. No one else seemed to notice that her grin was a little too stiff to be genuine and her laughter was hollow. That behind the façade of happiness, the weight of a burden rested in her green eyes.

Except…he noticed.

Kakashi noticed because he had seen the same practiced expression numerous times in the past when he had looked in the mirror.

Before he knew it, his bottle was empty, and his bladder made its presence know. The silver-haired shinobi barely took a few steps in the direction of the bathroom before he was met by an unwelcome obstruction in heels.

"Well, if it isn't the famed Copy Nin!" announced a woman as she stepped into his path, the blonde's red dress displaying a generous amount of cleavage.

Kakashi didn't know her, but he knew _of_ her. She was one of the persistent civilians that got a thrill out of adding shinobi to the notches on their bedposts. There wasn't anything wrong with that, but it wasn't his preferred style.

Just as he started to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly, he sensed a chakra signature which meant that help was on the way. It wasn't long before he felt Sakura's warmth behind him. "Kashi-kun," the medic cooed as she wrapped an arm around his waist from behind, "I've been looking for you." He coughed discreetly, stifling the urge to laugh. Kakashi felt her rest her chin on his shoulder and knew that she had to be standing on her tiptoes. Sakura briefly glanced at the woman before _innocently_ asking, "who's your friend?"

The blonde shot her a hostile glare, vastly different from the inviting look directed his way seconds earlier, clearly unhappy about the intrusion. His teammate had never been one to back down from a challenge, so it came as no surprise when Kakashi felt her free hand snake around to rest on his chest, drawing mock possessive circles on his vest with a finger. With a huff, the woman turned to leave, but not before telling him, "find me if you want a better time than what _she_ can offer."

The two shinobi were barely able to suppress their amusement for a few seconds until Sakura dryly commented, "she has clearly never had one of my chakra massages."

They both snickered uncontrollably until nearby patrons sent them strange looks.

"Too bad you can't fend off people on my behalf at the upcoming wedding," he half joked.

"Well," the medic said with a rueful smile, "my date bailed on me, so I'll be free to keep you safe from men and women alike that only have one thing on their mind."

Ah, so it seemed that it had been a rough week for her.

 _That's an understatement._

"In that case, I'm the perfect plus one. I'll watch your purse and hold your shoes for you when you inevitably take off your heels," he told her lightly.

Sakura laughed.

A _genuine_ laugh.

And as Kakashi listened, he knew that she would be fine.


	3. Wedding Bells

AN: This has been sitting on my computer mostly finished for a while, but then life got busy, writer's block struck, and life got busy again. I sat down to finish it last night, and before I knew it, the chapter had doubled in length and it was morning. Hope you enjoy, and I always love to hear your thoughts!

* * *

It took five minutes for the door she had knocked on to finally swing open and reveal its perpetually tardy occupant. After a moment's pause, Kakashi smiled. "You look lovely," he told her.

Sakura laughed lightly. "Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself."

It might as well have been the understatement of the year. The Copy-Nin looked almost criminally attractive in his well-tailored, light grey suit. His usual mask only added to the effect.

Only one thing was off.

"Here," she said, reaching for his tie, "let me help." Adeptly, she tightened and straightened the knot of the dark blue tie. "Perfect," the kunoichi announced, smiling as she stepped back. "Ready to go?"

The deceptively innocent look he adopted immediately made the medic wary. "Do you have spare room in that," he began, gesturing to the wristlet dangling from her arm, "for something of mine?"

Before she could glare suspiciously, Kakashi extended a small orange book to her while his free hand grabbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

Apparently _Icha Icha Pocket Edition_ had finally been released.

"Unbelievable."

Sakura cursed the soft spot she held for her teammates even as she crammed the trashy novel into her tiny purse, but not before lightly smacking his arm with the book. Far too cheerfully, Kakashi offered her his arm. "Shall we?" he asked.

She rested her hand in the crook of his elbow with an eye roll and a smile. "Gladly."

* * *

The ceremony had been a simple yet elegant affair. It perfectly suited the no-nonsense couple, while still being stately enough for a wedding between one of Suna's heads of state and a clan heir. Though Shikamaru had mumbled several times that the whole ordeal was troublesome, only a blind man would have failed to notice the soft smile that appeared to have taken up permanent residence on his face, or the fact that his eyes rarely left his bride. The fierce Sand kunoichi in question had an answering, beaming smile.

It didn't take long for the reception to begin after the ceremony. Avoiding the delicacies Suna was known for that were spicy enough to destroy the lining of his stomach, Kakashi managed to pile a dainty appetizer plate dangerously high with food. He carefully made his way through the crowded reception room with the precarious tower of food. After snagging a flute of champagne from a circulating waiter, he returned to his table.

Setting down the plate, he rotated it so the tempura was closest to Sakura. Personally, he couldn't stand the stuff, but she enjoyed it. The medic smiled brightly at him before focusing her attention back on her conversation with Naruto and Hinata. At some point Ino stopped by, hugging a seated Sakura from behind and resting her chin on the medic's shoulder. "Ugh," Ino told her, "I'm so happy for those two, but between their vows and adoring gazes, it makes a girl wish she wasn't single."

"I know exactly what you mean," Sakura sighed.

Kakashi watched as both of them glanced over at the happy couple before Sakura was released by her friend. "I'll see you later, but right now I need to find Choji so we can take a picture with Shika," the Yamanaka said before waving in parting.

Sakura waved in return, before something behind the Copy-Nin caught her attention.

"Don't look now, but you're definitely being eyed by two women at the table next to ours," she told him.

"Kunoichi?"

"Civilian."

"Ah, it shouldn't be too hard to escape their clutches, then," Kakashi began. "I was worried I might have to create shadow clones in order to evade them."

He brushed his hand against his forehead in mock relief and Sakura laughed in response.

She was still smiling when she replied, "I'd be a terrible reverse wingman if I let it come to that."

The kunoichi took hold of her wineglass, and Kakashi raised his own before she could take a sip. "Here's to reverse wingmen," he toasted.

Another fit of laughter erupted from her, and he smiled behind his mask.

"Excuse me, Ms. Haruno?" asked a tentative voice, bringing their conversation to a halt. Kakashi and Sakura both turned to look at the Sand shinobi standing beside their table. "I don't know if you remember me, but…" The brown-haired man trailed off, nervously toying with the cufflink in the sleeve of his jacket.

"Of course! How have you been, Kincho?" Sakura asked brightly before introducing Kakashi to the other man, explaining that they had met during the war.

After exchanging pleasantries, Kakashi turned his attention back to the plate of food before him while the other two talked for a few minutes. He mostly tuned out their conversation, until Kincho said something that caught his attention.

"I was hoping I would run into you here, Ms. Haruno. I, uh, actually have something for you."

Kakashi glanced over to see the other man hand the kunoichi a sealed letter. "Oh, thank you! I'll have to take a look at it after the reception. And please, call me Sakura."

She grabbed her purse to tuck away the letter, but the clutch was far too small. Seeing her dilemma, the silver-haired shinobi offered to put it in his jacket for safekeeping. When he stuck the heavy envelope in the interior pocket of his suit, he noticed Kincho blush faintly.

 _Interesting_.

The Sand shinobi cleared his throat before asking Sakura, "would you like to dance?"

"Of course," the medic responded, "I would love to." She turned back to grin at Kakashi, telling him, "I'll see you in a bit."

He nodded in return, wondering why his smile felt so forced.

It was odd, and as he watched her walk away, Kakashi was left feeling oddly bereft. Ignoring it, he finished the plate until only a single piece of shrimp tempura remained. In between reading _Icha Icha_ and chatting with the stream of visitors to the table, he periodically glanced over at the dancing guests to check on Sakura.

She danced in a group with other Konaha kunoichi after parting ways with Kincho . It didn't take long before he saw that her next dance partner was the Kazekage himself, followed by his brother. The puppet-master still appeared to be slightly enamored of Sakura even all these years after she had saved his life. A bevy of male shinobi and civilians from a variety of countries soon tried to follow in their footsteps.

The crowded room was overly warm, and the mix of strong perfumes and colognes was beginning to be overwhelming. Finishing the rest of his drink, Kakashi saw an escape from the sea of people in the form of a patio door and took it.

The gentle breeze and solitude outside were a nice relief from the boisterous reception that was only getting rowdier as the night progressed. Moments later, he heard the door open and the noise of the reception room spilled out briefly. He recognized the quiet pattern of Sakura's footsteps, and his mild annoyance at being interrupted disappeared. "I needed to escape that crowd. Great minds think alike, apparently," she said as she came to stand beside him.

"I'm convinced that I talked with every citizen of the nation."

"Which nation?"

"All of them," he said drolly.

They both laughed. "I think I've had enough socializing tonight to last me the rest of the year," she said with a light yawn.

"Tired?"

"Not enough to sleep. Don't get me wrong, the guest rooms at the Kazekage residence are wonderful, but I'm still looking forward to sleeping in my own bed at home."

"Uh-huh. At least we'll be returning to Konoha in a few days once the festivities are over," Kakashi told her.

He would be able to share a bed with all of his ninken soon, and berate them for their blanket-hogging tendencies. Oddly enough, he didn't think that the housekeeping staff for the Kazekage residence would appreciate dog hair covering every inch of his guest suite.

"I've actually decided to extend my stay for a few weeks. Gaara asked if I could give a presentation on new surgery techniques to the hospital staff and help arrange a medic exchange program between Konoha and Suna."

"Sounds like it would benefit everyone. Do you have any plans to extend it to other nations?"

"Eventually I'd like to grow the exchange program to encompass all of the hidden villages, so this will serve as a pilot program."

Just then the door opened again, and several shinobi stumbled outside, loudly singing something that vaguely resembled a popular folk song from Kumo. Sakura turned to him with a mischievous look in her eyes before asking, "do you want to find supplies and hide out somewhere?"

"I'll acquire the champagne," he said by way of agreement.

The radiant smile she directed at him was more than worth the risk of being caught stealing an unopened bottle or two from the reception's bar.

* * *

Sighing, Sakura gazed out at the lights of Sunagakure as she leaned against the railing of the rooftop, arms folded along the low wall. Her chin came to rest in her hand as she listened to the gentle chorus of nocturnal insects. "Are we good people?" she asked quietly, her thoughts heavy.

Maybe it was the warm night breeze or the present company, or maybe it had more to do with the empty bottles of wine at their feet, but she couldn't help but ask the question that had been weighing on her mind lately. The rustle of fabric to her left announced when Kakashi settled into a similar position beside her. After a contemplative pause, he replied simply. "To some."

A noise that barely resembled brief laughter escaped her lips. "That's a non-answer if I've ever heard one."

"What do you think is my first thought when I see children running around and laughing in the village?"

"That you're glad you don't have any little Hatakes to make your hair turn even more grey," Sakura said wryly.

He chuckled softly, not wanting to disrupt the pensive atmosphere with anything louder. "It makes me think that what I've done was worth it. All of it."

"I feel the same," the kunoichi admitted, "but there are times…"

 _There are times when doubt creeps in_.

The words didn't need to be spoken. Instead, they both gazed down at the people milling around the market stalls below.

Couples entering bars with their hands clasped and fingers entwined.

Families smiling as they carried exhausted children home.

Groups of elderly men playing cards at benches.

"You know," he said, breaking the comfortable silence, "I've attended far more funerals than weddings. I definitely prefer dressing up for the happier of the two occasions."

Kakashi's words reminded her of the moment during the reception when Kurenai and her daughter congratulated the newlyweds. Mirai had lifted her arms above her head and demanded to be carried by her Uncle Shika. "I wish you both all the happiness in the world. Asuma would have been so proud," Kurenai had told the groom.

Temari's hand had squeezed his shoulder as a noticeable sheen entered his eyes and he hugged the little girl in his arms more tightly.

Sakura was brought out of her reverie as gratitude that her precious people were alive and well filled her. "We've been so lucky. Well, some of it was sheer, dumb luck and the rest was our team being too stubborn to die." Sakura said warmly, then laughed lightly, likely trying to dispel the somber mood she had created.

"There's not much left in the bottle, but I'll drink to that."

* * *

Sakura gradually became aware of a knocking that matched the pounding in her head. Grabbing hold of the blanket, she tried to yank it over herself more fully, but to no avail. The kunoichi slowly opened her eyes, intent on discovering why the blanket wasn't cooperating, only to shut them right away. Sunlight was streaming through the windows far more aggressively than she would have liked.

"Close the blinds," she grumbled almost incoherently, punctuating her words with a light slap to Kakashi's bare chest.

He merely groaned in response, burrowing deeper into the covers of the bed. Cracking open one eye, Sakura spotted one of her heels on the nightstand. She fumbled for it weakly before summoning the energy to fling it across the room and at the blinds, forcing them to shut. Before she could snuggle back into the warm covers, the overly enthusiastic knocking at the door started back up.

Less than thrilled to be forced out of bed and forced to deal with a few seconds worth of headrush, Sakura couldn't help but complain. "Damn it, is sleeping in too much to ask for?" she grumbled as she shuffled slowly towards the door in her borrowed shirt.

The kunoichi blearily took in the state of the room as she crossed it. Sakura had vague recollections of her and Kakashi stumbling around trying to find her own room last night, only to give up when they found his door first. One of the provided washcloths was covered in makeup and laying on the floor in a crumpled mess along with her dress. For some reason that escaped her, Kakashi's tie was pinned to the wall with a kunai. The medic caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror, and between the messy hair and heavily smudged mascara and eyeliner it wasn't a pretty sight.

The knocking continued, louder than before.

After fumbling with the lock, Sakura yanked the door open. " _What?_ Someone better be bleeding or at risk of losing a limb, because if not, they will be once I'm through with them," she all but growled.

"Aww, Sakura-chan, why didn't you invite me to the afterparty? We would have had so much fun!"

It was far too early in the day to deal with a pouting Naruto.

"What do you want, Naruto?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Gaara mentioned a ramen stand that I want to try for breakfast. You didn't answer when I knocked on your door, so I figured that I would ask Kakashi next since he never turns down free food."

Too tired to lecture him on the health concerns associated with having ramen as a meal three times a day, Sakura compromised. "Can we get ramen in the afternoon instead when I'm feeling somewhat more human?"

Before her teammate could respond, she could hear Ino practically yell from the other end of the hallway, "oh my god, Forehead! What are you _wearing_?"

Sakura promptly shut and locked the door, refusing to to deal with the world until she had gotten more sleep and consumed an excessive amount of caffeine.


	4. Picking Up the Pieces

AN: Short chapter this time around, but questions about what happened during the night of the wedding will be answered...in the next chapter.

Chapter warning: themes related to suicide

* * *

Ignoring the way that her legs screamed at her to stop, she forced herself to move faster.

 _I'm late_.

It was the only thought that Sakura had as she ran past the chunin unlucky enough to have gotten stuck on the graveyard shift for gate duty. The kunoichi ran past without bothering to sign in, knowing that she would deal with Tsunade's temper later due to her breach in protocol. Sakura's stay in Suna had been unexpectedly extended by two weeks to finalize plans for the implementation of a medic exchange program between nations. She had been running almost nonstop for three days back to Konoha since then.

Without fully noticing that she had made her way across the village, she finally found herself in front of a familiar, scuffed door with a missing number. Letting herself into the dark apartment, Sakura unzipped her dusty flak jacket and let it fall to the floor. She searched the medical pouch still strapped around her waist for a certain container as she quietly made her way to the living room. "Kakashi?" she called out softy, stepping over the empty bottles that littered the floor.

Faint light from a streetlamp came in through the window, revealing the man in question slumped on the floor in front of the couch. Knowing the state that she would find his hands in, Sakura reached for them. "Let me see," the medic softly ordered.

She poured lotion from the container, and Kakashi remained almost nonresponsive as she rubbed it onto his hands. They were cracked and bleeding from repeated washing. She tossed the bottle aside before wrapping her arms around Kakashi, resting his head on her shoulder. Sakura couldn't help but be struck by how small his tall form felt in her arms.

* * *

He stared listlessly at an empty sake bottle on the floor.

It was the anniversary of the day that his whole world had shattered, almost four decades ago. Back then Kakashi had forced himself to numbly complete everyday tasks—it had seemed impossible at the time—until he felt like he could finally breathe again without drowning in grief. Until he could bear the pain that never fully went away but gradually became easier with time. But there were times like tonight that the dull ache would become a sharp wound with jagged edges again.

He was angry and heartbroken and most of all _he just wanted his dad_.

And then suddenly he wasn't alone anymore.

* * *

His voice eventually cut through the weight of the silence.

"Why—" he began hoarsely, his voice breaking and barely above a whisper. "Why did he leave? Why wasn't I enough?"

The overwhelming grief in his eyes broke her heart.

"Oh, _Kakashi_." She pulled him closer, squeezing his hand. "Don't _ever_ think that you aren't enough. I might not have known your father, but from everything you've told me I know that he loved you. He loved you more than anything."

His hand clutched hers tightly, almost painfully. Sakura gently brushed away the moisture on his cheeks with her free hand. She would never pretend to understand what he was going through, she just wanted to remind Kakashi that he wasn't alone and never would be again. She would always be by his side if he needed her.


End file.
